anyway, it's been almost 2 months into uni life.
and i can't say i am coping well.
it's not that i am not used to the life by itself
but it's the lack of self-discipline.
just gotten back one of my mid term papers
did really really badly.
time to buckle up man. =(

Tanto Tempo by Bebel Gilberto

Lyrics Translation

So Long

I've been wondering for so long
Why to expect so much from someone
Running through spaces in the same place
I've been searching for you a long long time

I am gone in a second
Knowing and learning your taste
Fearless I am
Running against the wind, holding no grudges

I've been wondering for so long
Why to expect so much from someone
Without knowing
Without any fear to see

I've finally gotten all my mods. Some of which cost me quite a lot of points. All the more i got to do well for them or my points would be spent in vain. Some peopled asked me whether I'm actually excited that school is starting. In the first place, i never was excited. As much as i wanted it to start, I've always been apprehensive of transition periods. School, especially one so (bloody) far away from Pasir Ris is something i will have to re familiarize.

My timetable looks set to be a 3 days week, that is if i manage to get all my desired tutorial slots. 4 slots to be balloted for, hopefully i wun end up with a 5day week instead.

They say eyes are the windows to our souls.
hard to fathom living without sight.

I've been to the nearby optician.
What i thought was a general blurry vision due to an increase in degree for my right eye was actually due to my cornea becoming hazy. I seriously do not why my cornea can become hazy but it seems like i got to go down to SNEC again. Just when school is starting.

I'm kinda at a loss of words actually.

__________________________

leaves dropping
cold freezing colourful
lonely wind
__________________________

life, is such a paradoxical process
it can be so vibrant and fulfilling yet at the same time it can be filled with such immense sadness and sorrow. the duality is what makes us wretched and yet at the same time beautiful. life is never a straight road for me, it winds from left to right, and it moves up and down with it's occasional pit-holes. Irony as it is, considering how people always complain about our paths when we view education. But life is not about education. It is about people, of things and moments. These make for, a volatile combination where one can experience peaks and troughs. Normally and usually one can compensate for any extremes. Moments of quiet introspection within periods of blissful company and spending on things to cheer one up during lull periods of gloominess. Yet new environments and new moments require new ways of dealing with the intricacies of life. And that's where my point of life being a paradox comes in. It's never so easy when humans are capable of such immense emotions.

A new season is coming, a new transition period.
the tennis court oath has been sworn
and the "king louis xvii" within me now fears for his life

cant i have my cake and still eat it?

On Life, On Love, On Marriage

" 寂寞很OK 一个人OK 习惯就OK "
张震岳 - OK

Went out with the girls that day, and one of them commented that everyone's getting attached these days except for some of us. Well, i think there's certainly the joys of being in a relationship and many yearns to be in one.

Getting into one would require you to commit your time and energy into it. Imgaine all the quarrels and time spent together.. Alas, i'm still not ready for all this.

And yet the question that is beckoning is whether i should even need to be ready for all this? Some who are in the relationship quote the reason that the idea of being lonely for the rest of their life is a dreadful one. Yet what if one gets used to being lonely? I do not know whether it's the introspective side of me at play or that i'm generally tired of trying to meet the needs of different people. Perhaps, it's the idea of being free and having no commitments that appeals to me so much that i still prefer to refrain from actively looking for the "one"

On a side note, this is probably one reason why i am not interested in any of the orientation camps. Acting like a total kok in front of girls in a vile attempt to impress them is so defintely not my cut of tea. Never was and never will be.

A tinge of inspiration.
An Ee

I just watched the dvd version of Muse's Haarp Tour and i understand why they have been pretty consistently getting Live Act awards every year. They are one band who unlike some others, do not fail to deliver what they play and sell on their records. Featured quite a lot of my favourite songs as well.

Anyway, that aside, Life is still pretty much the same. So until then, see you around.

Me at the toy museum. I was on the verge of stealing this home.


In the middle of the night, i sit in front of my computer and i think to myself.
What does life warrants for us to push and strive our very best in the things we do.
Is it the promise of a better life later on, or just a result of a common herd mentality?
In a period where people are likely to be working before they start uni, or for those that are not, to study or attend courses to upgrade themselves, i'm kinda doing neither.
All i've done, is to find back the part of me which i believed i lost since childhood.
Ok, maybe early childhood.
Ever since i'm really young, education had played a really impt part for me.
I still remember the times where as small as i am, my mum had already taught me simple maths, alphabets and words even before nursery. And the chase continues, no doubt at a slower pace and at a more controlled one at that, i'm still being propelled forward towards higher education. To what ends, i find myself questioning myself.

The period of NS, was a break from that. Difficult it may be at times, but i realised that it had given me a life where education is not the sole emphasis in life. That for once, you can just forget about the consequences of study. In the same way we are all created differently in unequal terms, we are also different and yet equal within NS. Where you are from is secondary to what you do. Somehow, the life of an A level graduate going into university has come to become a burden within me which i increasingly and grudgingly bear. The feeling is sublime and horrifying in the sense that this should not be coming from someone who has grown used to the comforts of education. Yet now, it's this sense of dependance upon education which makes me think twice. Alas, the more logical side, and the consequence fearing side of me still holds me tight and i would not do stupid things like run off to some country and start a family.

Back to where i started the post with, i'm doing neither of working or actively studying. Giving tuition and reading up here and there seems to be a good idea of reconciling both ends but truth be told, the amount one can get from tuition is meague and reading up does little to help prepare you for the rigourous uni life ahead. I've been slacking most of the time and some seem to have issues with that. This reminds me of the past when our SEA countries were colonised and those doing subsitence farming were criticised and pretty much displaced by the capitalist system. One always think (in different degrees and in different ways) that time is money and that doing nothing is a complete waste of time. Yet i have to say, i feel a sense of achievement when i do not commit myself to anything at the moment. This period of life is really a break from the "wants" the "must do-s" the "should do-s", etc. Man, should once in a while rest well, free of burden, or commitments and just do things they enjoy. The feeling i say, is nothing words can express.

Having said all these, i must say that i've done a lot of things i've enjoyed within these months. Truth be told, not having an income sucks, cause it does restrain some of the things you can do. But this has also taught me a humbling lesson, of how one can find joy within the simple things in life. From cooking a can of campbell soup in the middle of the night, to butter-finger-ing the guitar in a poor attempt to self-teach myself, to drinking coffee with friends and chilling the afternoon away, to meeting up with long time no see people, or simply playing the day away on the comp with other frens.. it has given me a sense that i've found a part of me that i've lost. The sense of indugence in a life free of entagling commitments as brief as it is, is a feeling i will never forget. Perhaps that's why people are so hung up over an early retirement age, so i say my frens, for those still awaiting entry to uni, live life for this moment, you will be in the rat race sooner than you think.

I know it's a long while,
but lately blogging has become a chore which requires a spontantiety unseen in ages before to overcome, so pardon me for it. well good things is worth waiting.

Signing off,
An Ee

Well well well, where should i start?
Hmm.. how about birthdays?
Yeah, birthdays.

April heralds the start of some of my good frens' birthday.
Had the gang come over to my house for a small steamboat and birthday celebration for a good fren i've made in army. Kinda fun since we ate so much and we played like mahjong and stuffs.
I'm like dying to play mahjong lah, so interested to hone my skills but nobody have the time to play with me. =( and viwawa sucks since people anyhow play there.

Maggie birthday is in April too, and we went to dempsey road to celebrate. I swear she was damn shocked when she saw us cause she was expecting a dinner with a few of his unimates but everyone kinda turnt up. We got her like a tako machi maker and a recipe book so i'm expecting some nice tako pachis!

and, hmm i must mention this, but i'm feeling so bad that i've forgotten bout Janice's birthday lah. Like i totally forgot to wish her, (and omg! i forogt to wish kok swee too.) cause my brain is not attuned to remember birthdays, which i dunno why that is so. i think it is cause i always get reminded by some frens bout other pple's bday. and when it's that fren who reminds who is celebrating the bday, nobody reminds me ! haha, anyway, i think we should like have a dinner or something for janice, so sad lah.

ok birthdays aside, i think i should talk about something else.

my reservice posting is back to the army and not navy
i'm terribly disappointed.
i always prefered what i do in navy compared to army simply cause i rather fulfill a daily request than to do preparations (which btw are tediously dumb) for a war which we will probably never see or even think about winning. hai

guess i should just stop here.
time to sleep.

what better way to make a new blog post than to steal an old post?
and this time, i'm resurrecting Thursday, June 15, 2006 's post mostly cause it full of photos
and in bold will be comments that i'm adding in so people actually understand what they are.
by the way, all photos were captured using my razor phone which died on me on the day i went east coast with sarah, wei lun and ariel and we walked in the rain. (lesson learned, never walk in the rain unless u got waterproof bag.) the photos are a tad small but please bare with it. i mean, bear with it. hahahahaha.



this photo was taken in my jc class, reflection was off the plastic folder and the arm in question? hmm, should be mag's!



Jo and i at macs in elias mall mugging econs and history. one of my best study buddies ever. =) Zap Zap!



my converse bag on the floor, thought the lighting was pretty nice.



Even jeremy who is almost always verborse has rare moments of silence. Oh wait, he is sleeping. That explains.



Cute poster i found on the meridian wall!



This is classic! Kenny claiming that if you listen carefully, you will hear clucks, cause there is chicken in a biscuit.



Daniel at his inaugration service for Serve.



The scenery looked so nice and e sky looked so much like a pastel painting.



i love the glass and the frosted cross on it!



me taking a photo of james taking a photo of himself.
haha i miss the random fun things we did together =(



the ever familar path, i walked through this place so often that i cannto imagine the sadness if this path changed one fine day.



Yes! this photo is probably worth a million. Half a million goes to the fact that i took the photo, the other half is because of the rare documentation of the rare species called "idon'tliketotakephotosomuchthathisfriendhastosecertlytakephotosofme"



someone's file. i think zap zap's!



the road behind MJC. actually is in front, considering the front gate is there, but everyone uses the back gate.



greentiger power rocks. i'm conditioned to think about bubbletea, tori Q and octopus balls whenever i see jie and huey.



Mag sleeping. I remember Yjie commented on her baby-like posture.



Zheng Jie at her choir concert.



Zap zap and i going MAD!!!



haha unglam moment at guardian captured. haha, this spurred zheng jie's own iniated unglam anee campaign which took place ove



CC 3rd floor which changed drastically by the way. I just went back and i lost all sense of familarity of that place, which is good too since it helps to move on for me.



Jiing Huey and her 1 more min photo!



Perkafe. I hope the icecream still sells well. I miss the time spent working with Yjie, cause of the chatting and the eating of icecream. (and hey we pay for them still ok. )



the voideck.



If you see this, it means u have gone to the wrong floor. Random stupid moments where i took the lift to 10th storey instead of 5th.



and you thought the "dark sky forwarning you of the evil that is to come" only happen in movies. you were wrong cause MJC has quite a scene like that too.



Janice took a photo of us laughing, which is rare.



James!
Someone who for a moment in life i treated like a younger brother but sadly fell out of contact with. Changes and winds of life.



i dunno what this is. any ideas anyone?



the mighty yuvan!



another classic moment. this was when we all got sent out of econs class for not doing HW. only yuvan was left in it.



i think this is at swensens in changi airpot.



weitin and i at mos burger.



the highway at night, this should be at the flyover beside CGH.



Mr chua's swords which we used for the history competition in NUS. Samuel or was it jeremy? broke the sword the day after Mr Chua said some clown would break it.



my smiley glass, had 4 which all broke and i replaced it with 6 ikea glasses now. =)



ying jie! my best friend and best bitching partner. haha.



i always knew jeremy wanted to be a secert monk of some secert order



zap zap n i at the history competition. we won first btw.



~classmates~



~amelia always looked so photogenic!~



yjie n i



kovan's mac. i still remember. haha, this is like one of the first few class outings.



yjie ~



i dun remember where, but i tot the light looks nice. should be cavana's i guess.



studying at the lib



studying at the lib



was this at BK?



i think we all acted scared, or was it some lit horror movie.. i cant remember, haha

thats 47 photos
:)

tt

Delirious by David Guetta Feat. Tara McDonald

Don't you wish to do this once in a lifetime? hmm...

Anyway, life has definitely been better after army.
I have more choice over where i want to be, and sleeping has never felt so much better, knowing that you hardly have to wake up in the wee hours.

Been spending time doing things i should have been doing long ago.
Getting new games and catching up is definitely on the list since i stopped at Bioshock, Fear and COD 4.
Now i'm doing oblivion and left 4 dead, as well as grand ages: rome.
All 3 are quite nice and left 4 dead did give me the initial scare factor like Fear did to me.
Now it's all eyes upon Fear 2 and other newer games.

Gaming hasn't been the only thing i'm occupied with. Trying to make sherbets/sorbets is fun too, but all i've gotten so far is just a bunch of ice crystals that taste alright. =( maybe i should really put the cream in the icecream.

And i havnt found myself a job yet. Am really thinking of slacking for awhile, and perhaps only work from april onwards. sucks to be poor. haha.

no more National Serviceman Fulltime. AnEe has now changed to become 宅男 full time!

Hohohohoho.

Been more than a month since i blogged again.
Finally, i can see the end of NSF life coming.

The feeling.. is a little weird.
I guess i have kinda grown used to seeing certain people arnd in camp.
This is a bad time to ORD actually, not that i'm complaining, but yeah.
Life after army, hmm what beckons?
It's this sense that you would lose a part of you, having already identified yourself as someone who helps move the daily workings of your section, and everyday is filled with that purpose, but then now you are relinquished of that duty. And yet, your mind tells you this is a good thing.
I guess, maybe i have issues with moving on.
For laughing out loud.

Anyway...
One thing good about blogs, is that you can look back at your earlier posts, and see how much you have changed. So i went to dig out this! The very post i posted right before i enlisted.

Link can be found here : http://1n55.blogspot.com/2007/03/nervous.html
But for easy referencing, I've decided to copy and paste the whole post here.

********************************************
I'm just nervous now
oh man.. so nervous
havn't pack my bag
and it has to be so early in the morning tomorrow
let just say
i wanna get it done and over with
nervous about how regimental things can be
(i'm so un-used to regimental life! so totally unused to it)
wonder how the people will be
hope i can hit off well with them
not exactly one with extremely high eq or what
just gonna pray hard man..

shall bring a book or two in to read
that is if i have the time to
will really miss the free days on the other side of the sea

hope i have time to record down my thoughts
should bring a book there to write them down
then one day i prob can transfer them into my blog
and look back at how i have been all these while

oh my gosh! i'm going to be trained to kill
there's nothing glorious so far that i know of
shall hope my impressions of ns
as a dirt-packed place with old insecure warrant officers
backstabbing bunkmates, vulgar and coarse environment
screwed up cold, impersonal, inefficent and anal bureacratic system
that treats every enlistee (with the exceptions of white horses)
as something lower than dirt

would turn out wrong

pray that i shall not find myself in harm's way
pray that i shall be a light upon others
tat i'll be in a position to find favour in His eyes
which would also help me find favour in others
so that His values, His love would flow out of me

pray that when i win some and lose some
i do it for His sake
and hopefully i win more than i lose

and if possible may the people there be a joy unto me as well

amen

march 15

************************************************

when i finished reading this post again

i went.. woahhhh.

i realized that some of my perceptions were wrong and some amazingly accurate

some of my bunkmates are the best i ever have, and some officers are really nice people

the WOs, well some of nice, some of more anal, but i'm glad i have no conflicts with them,
at least not one that i've lost though. =)

and that i have made many frens that i would not be ashamed to call frens.

and that i've won more than i've lost.

excluding all the mahjong times, where i've lost more than i've won.. wait i've never won before with my campmates playing. =( !

anyway, i'm super distracted now la.... just wanan say i'm damn glad i've led a rather exciting life in my unit... =)

This week hasn't been a very pleasant week for me.

My great grand ma was hospitalised a while back and she was in rather bad condition, considering how she was unable to respond to all of us. We were all rather afraid that she would not live pass new year and for a moment we worried a lot for her, but she got better eventually and now she can still respond to our questions.

But just as we were done worrying about her, another of my relative passed away on new year eve.

My grand uncle was resting after sweeping the floor and he just sat down and collapsed. And the next thing we know, he was gone.

All these bring back many unhappy memories, in particular of my aunt. I happened to see our family photos and i realised i missed her very much. And tho i'm nt particulary emo abt such things, but i cant help but to have that gnawing feeling that barely resembles resentment, and which i can only express through a unavoidable sigh.

I feel that passing away on a new year eve is really not a easy thing to behold, cause the subsequent new years.. will just be not the same anymore.

But oh, c'est le vie, there's nothing we can do but to learn to take things that comes our way. 

oh a more positive note, i am darn blardy glad that my offs are signed already, i really need some time off work. the whole great grand ma scare had me being on a relatively short fuse on many occasions. tho i'm glad i can still keep things professional in work. and nt personal. thank God for that.

on a not so positive note.... my ang bao money is horrendously little. my goodness la. and i spent so much before new year thinking that my ang bao money can make up for any needs later on. Tsk! bad financial planning. i should marry an accountant next time. or a biz ad grad. or if not, a damn rich oil tycoon/mega business owner's daughter. Haiiiiiiiiyahhhh. 

Anyways, i'm thinking of my ORD which will only come in mid-march. Crap sia. I need all the offs i can get to help me transit from army to civi. and why must the job market be so bad when i ORD. sian sia. but oh well, like i said, c'est le vie, and i'm thinking of this phrase my unit workshop ic keeping saying, "suck it up". kinda funny and apt phrase. but i don't like it. haha. people need to whine once in a while to unwind, so yeah, bear with me.

Oh well, i guess that's enough for now. 

Ciaos, and Happy New Year

thank God for payday.
haha

anyway, it's been awhile since i updated.
cut the long story short, i shall summarize what happened in the past mth.

well, lets see, Christmas was fun
had dinner at amie's house with the rest of the gang
chatted and pretty much caught up with one and another
went back to ASE english to take a look
din really think it changed much, so wun be going back there either.
sarah and rachel gonna change church cause uncle steven moving to a new posting
checked out their new house at tamps as well
really very nicely done up, how i wish i had a house like theirs.
new year was a lil boring, but these few days had been quite relaxing

a sad point to note, my great grandma has been hospitalised
and she is not in a good shape so gonna keep praying that she recovers or if not,
at least she will die peacefully.
and cny is coming soon
so have been taking offs days to visit her as well as clean up the house
can't seem to get away from work tho since the rest of the bunch are going to ord next mth
hw i wish it will be my turn soon.

anyway, am reminded of the verse, that there is a season for everything.
and this reminds me of a few years back, the awful period i had gone through
so yeah, another chapter of my life is going to begin again.

with Christ in the vessel i can smile at the storm

It's been a while since i've blogged, as usual.
Anyway, I just came back from a 3 day 2 night chalet.
It's was really wonderful hanging out with yjie, yixin and maggie.
All the good food and fun sure made me unwind after a particularly tiring few months.

Went to few places, of which wala wala kinda impressed me with their live bands.
They played really good love classics and the place is really good to chill out.
Times when i wished i was just living next to holland V.
If one wish to look for a good chill out place, with light drinking, Wala Wala is quite the place to go. Light food and light beer with light hearted music sure makes a good combination for one who wishes to chill after work.

We also went to watch The day the earth stood still
which in my opinon suffers from low budget, a lack of a climax, and plain utter boring scenes.
Not to mention it was a midnight movie we went to, so the boredom kinda adds up to the lethargy to the point yixin actually slept for more than half the movie!
The main point is, did you know that if you nets ur midnight tickets on a weekday at ehub, u can get it for as cheap as $6 per tix? which in my opinon is darn blardy cheap compared to elsewhere, unless someone show me a even cheaper yet decent place, cause thanks but i don;t want to go to princess in Bedok.

So anyway, life has been pretty mundane for me, and a chalet really helps to revitalise my mental capacity and clear my threshold for crap that is shot at me on a rather daily basis.

Oh, on a side note, Christmas is coming soon.
I can't to sink my teeth into an icecream log cake.

whenever other people ORD, i feel a sense of heaviness
i don't know whether it is envy or the resignation one has
the feeling of not knowing what to do once you ORD.

and i just got thrashed terribly at mah jong
i desperately need some coaching. =(

and i feel terribly old. =(

Take me past the outer courts, into the Holy place;

Past the brazen altar, Lord, I want to see your face;

Pass me by the crowds of people, the priests who sing your praise;

Lord, I hunger and thirst for your righteousness,
and it's only found one place:
Take me into the Holy of Holies,
Take me in by the blood of the Lamb;
Take me into the Holies of Holies
Take the coal, cleanse my lips, here I am. (ref. Isa 6:5-7)

A batch of people has just ORDed.
leaves this strange tingling sensation near my heart, one that is envious.

Anyway, life has been pretty much the same,
just that i found things has gotten a little more hectic-er
and i can't wait for things to come to a slow-down so i can get a breather
There's so much that needs to be done and i can't seem to be productive enough.
Think i will need some time to refocus.

Anyway here is one thought that has been lingering on my mind for some thing.
" Here’s the lesson: Use your worldly resources to benefit others and make friends. Then, when your earthly possessions are gone, they will welcome you to an eternal home" Luke 6:9
Something for all to think about.

Someone once said:

Work as if you have no need of the money.
Love as if nobody ever made you suffer.
Dance as if nobody is watching you.
Sing as if nobody is hearing you.
Live as if the Paradise were on this Earth.

Something to think about. =)

Moon River by Audrey Hepburn

Recently i just watched a classic movie called "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
This film is one of those color-ed old films and it features Audrey Hepburn as a lady who is looks Tiffany's diamonds and would buy her breakfast and make her way to Tiffany's in the morning just to look at them. In the movie, she mentions that looking at them makes her forget her unhappiness, and this movie is a classic romance movie which means heart wrenching endings and nice love endings. Go watch it, i think it's worth watching even if it's a little ancient.

Had quite a great chat with a collegue that day and as usual thoughtful conversations often provides insights which one might not have seen, if not with another person's help. Makes me thankful for His guidance all these years.

And surprise surprise, some people are not as guai as they look, and some are more gutless than what i have thought. Hmmmm.

one thought to leave with you.

what is the difference between vested authority, and interpersonal authority?

vested authority like ranks and positions, makes things legal, a person bound to a company/organisation/group are obliged to do what the leader says. but the person may also choose to leave the organization if things dun go to their expectation, or when the decision taken require the person to sacrifice their personal things.

interpersonal authority, or perhaps what can also be known as interpersonal respect is different. People are not obliged to do as the leader says, but the person will render support because their belief system allows for compromise to what the leader demands. Even if things do not go as they expected, if both the leader and the person's belief system aligns, the person is willing to sacrifice their personal things, or even to die for you.

having thought about this, it does shed a lot of light. at the end of the day, a 3SG rank, or a 2LT, or even a CPT, means only what the army denotes for them. Outside of camp, within friends, in an environment where ranks do not dominate relationships, interpersonal respect for one another is still what sets the difference.

BTW i am super shocked that China has a rehab center for not alochol, not drugs, not even sex, but online gaming!

to some, life in general is working out a series of events.
a procedure, of things to do, a mundane way of looking at things
an existence where one strives because of their existence
and they push themselves because they believe it is to make their existence more comfortable.

perhaps there is more to life than just a set way of doing things
or a same way of looking at things

perhaps, just perhaps, life is there for you to enjoy.

shouldnt we just throw aside our worries n let ourselves down once in awhile?
how often have we wondered such a question to ourselves?

i found myself asking such a question just the other day.
and i realised that sometimes one can be so easily caught up with the motions of things
to be swept around emtionally and mentally
just like what the bible says about a man being tossed around in the sea.
how often we find ourselves getting so affected because we look at the procedures
and we see how much we have "fallen short by" in other people's eye
and how often we get displeasure
i think we should learn to see the optimism in different situation
and to understand that procedures are just procedures and we can still choose to remain
unaffected, even if we had given our best.

life is meant to be an enjoyable process
so cheer up and greet each day with a smile

Hmm, my comp had to be reformatted.
Which means i pretty much lost years of memories, which includes songs, videos, and photos, esp those moments of craziness and food adventures.
and my comp is like a sick child, recovering from some critical virus
or should i say, a computer is like a mirror of a person.
what is stored there pretty much reflects the person
and now, i'm giving it a brand new personality.

and for moments like these.
i'm thankful for my 4gb internal memory handphone
pretty much just took out most of the songs i have from my phone
and thankfully my songs are not that outdated.

anyway, i went to see an eye specialist at sgh that day
my eye condition did get better before that but better does not mean no problems
an eye specialist is so much better than polyclinic doctors, or any other doctors to that matter
and instead of waiting for 2 months like the stupid polyclinic lady scheduled me for,
i just walked in with my mum to sgh.
*(after much insistence on my part as she wanted me to go see a traditional herbal doctor of some sorts, saying my body is too heatyand such, which by the way was proven wrong by the eye spec, and yeah i'm quite edgy bout this, but who would not be after drinking like half a tanker of herbal tea of all sorts.)*
anyway, the eye spec said that my pores are easily clogged up by my body oil and dust, which would in turn cause my eyelids to inflamme, so now i'm down with medications, eye drops, and eye medicines and stuffs. and i have to apply warm perssure to open up my pores.
so much better now ok. at least i know what to do, though cause it was inflammed rather badly, it requires like an estimate of a month for it to fully recover.

oh and i'm down with at least 2 sunday duties, which means 2 weekends burnt. can only go out on saturday morns and afternoons. =( and i seriously hope the stupid taskings would not fall on other weekends but on my weekend duties. i dun wanna burn any more weekends like last mth.
so many pple's birthdays were celebrated without my presence, =( , all thanks to work. no wonder pple always say NS kills off relations.
haii
i NEED a life apart from work.

oh and btw, some new songs are pretty nice.
too bad i'm too lazy to google a link, but yeah, go find them if u are interested.
some of my current earworm:
The man who can't be moved by The Script
Beggin by Madcon
No Air by Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown

and if u havn't heard of The Tings Tings, u should go listen to some of their songs,
such as Great DJ, That's Not My Name and Shut Up N Let Me Go.
Pretty good chill out music.

ok, here goes my effort to update this space regularly.
i'm off to sleep.

hey heyy
it's been an uber long time since i've contributed anything to this space.
i guess it is a combination of being more busy each day, and that also i find more things to do away from this virtual identity.

But nevertheless, this place is here to stay, and i as usual have a big ballon full of opinons/concerns/bitchiness news to share with everyone.

ok so lets start with what's on my mind rite now. olympics.
well congrats to our table tennis team for getting silver, and despite what others may say, it think it is a commandable effort both for the players and the coaches. now for once the media has to stop using the word "medal-drought" for the next olympics.
swimming was quite an eye opener too, with michael phelps winning like 8 medals. if we can be so hyped up over our team winning a medal, i wonder what would happened if we had michael phelps. haha.
well, i love some of the events esp the more asethically-inclined ones. personally, i feel that sychronised swimming is a sport and an art combined and russia totally dominated the whole scene. they were practically born and bred in a swimming pool from the way they swam and played off stunts that left me wondering whether china was the one that created the "floating on water" technique. no doubt they thrashed the rest and walked away with gold.

the month of August is like the birthday month of so many of my frens la.
went to celebrate a few of their birthdays but i'm like practically swamped with so many invitations. but of which i cannot attend cause i keep getting tied down in camp, i'm practically seeing my campmates more than my parents and my bed!. =(

work, work and more work
the month of august has been a terrible tiring month for my section.
there was drama rama and lots of fire to put out.
the month started with the new arrangement for duty spec, and my section ended up doing more duties. and there was weekday duties for us too, which makes us even more taxed out when it comes to manpower. then there were a whole lot of taskings for us, so we kept getting recalled back to camp and had to work till past sunset.
my supervisor went to quarrel with some of the guys while i was on leave and the next thing i knew when i came back was that my offs were all burnt. which is stupid because at the end of the day i wasnt directly involved, i just got burnt alongside. and now as part of the conflict resolution, there is now more things for me to do, and i'm not terribly happy about it.

AHM!
i missed AHM because i was duty spec on that day, so lucky sia. but then again, with the amt of duties, i practically missed every other thing not worth mention. the day was slow and it practically rained the whole day over and over and over again. to the point there was like mini floods and the trash bags were all full of water. and i had to clear it away, (wisely done so right before i went to bathe) and i almost slept like some war-torn country's resident without a new change of clothes for a month. hai..

anyway, i do notice that some people are weird. the phrase "you do meet all kinds of people in ns" defintely still stand true here. but what to do leh, ahah objectively speaking, it's all about people management and learning to reach a form of understanding with them. some may be frens, some may just be working pals, some maybe not even so close, as long as we stay out of our way. but at times, all i want is to get things done in a pretty and fast manner.

it's all about learning.

sorry for the rather disjointed post.
i think i'm distracted by the noti0n of bubbletea and chicken wings.
off to get something to munch on..

i'm feeling quite broke actually with all the going outs/ late night movies / late night suppers and whats not. and late nights stuffs cost more expensive. Darn!

i need a 任意門 !!!

hai. anyway, it's been awhile again! and i have so many things to update.

I guess this is a time to refocus again, and one of the things is the purpose of having a blog.
Rest assured, this place is here to stay, no doubt the posts are coming in like once every week or two. But yeah, this blog is here to stay.

A blog serves to document my life, to inspire people, to remind and to let others know of who i am even though we might not meet up for awhile. It serves as a temporal refuge for the blogger, to commnet, to whine, to bitch even, but also to let his ponderous pondering mind show itself to the people that might happen or intently with intentions to, log on to this site.

Having said so, let me begin.

So many things has happened in the short period of time. Let me update what have happened.

More than a year has passed since i've enlisted on that fateful friday. Yeah i can still remember, and the only few people that came to send me off apart from my parents was Vina and Wei Lun. Deqi sent me an sms like many others who couldn't make it wishing me all the best. And yes, i do still remember, makes me wonder honestly also if i were on my deathbed how many people would come see me. Haha, anyway, now that i've pretty much settled down in Tuas, things seems to start to change, for good or bad, i would say bad, but i think it's just a matter of getting used to it. Army or navy, what matters is the time left before i regain that sense of "freedom" so many want to achieve. Another 8 more months at most.

I've made a few friends in camp, in tekong, in ayar rajah, and in tuas. Notably friends in tekong are some of whom i started to learn to trust, and relate to. People like my dear friends kenneth, and shawn, of whom i regretably havnt been meeting up for awhile. Friends in ayar rajah are dearly missed, but the stay in ayar rajah was not long enough, and sadly some of which i do not really keep in contact with. I miss bob and cai. it's been so uber long, and i dunno what to say. this is simply so saddening for me. =( Hai. While the most i can say about friends in tuas is that some of them are within the period of getting to know them better, and those that really function better as working parnters, and i miss my good friend who got posted away to another building, someone whom i can talk to and get a very honest overview of whatever i am talking about. People need time, and i guess it takes a little time for a friendship to grow, Some faster, some longer, but time is still a requirement. Time and effort.

Anyway, i met up with quite a few people recently, feels good to see people and talk to them. Makes you feel old though, but everyone feeling old together makes you feel kind of younger. Relative at least. I met up on seperate occasions, people like, kenny, jasper, wei lun, janice, yi xin, ying jie, maggie, yu van, and ren feng. i'm yet to meet up with people like my green tiger gang. Where have you all gone too?? please meet up for yao yao's birthday or something please.

And i have been going out to K with my camp people. At least now i dun go there eat watermelon only, besides Kbox dun give watermelons. I go there and try to sing along with people. Mr Ryan.S is super good at hitting the higher notes lah, and unlike him, i cannot sing so many songs.
And oh, i've watched the dark knight. all u people out there that dun want to watch with me, =( i say this again, i've watched the dark knight. pardom me for being angsty, but yeah, it just irks me when i ask pple if they wanna watch and they said they all watched le. like within the week it was released. =( =( =( !

Oh Oh, and i gonna need coaching in mahjong. I keep losing to people and my mum keeps laughing whenever i said i lost again. =( ok lah, i only played like twice or thrice so far. i need like a whole list of possible combinations to win, and tips and training. and viwawa doesnt count for much for when i play against zhizhong and clarence they are like so fast lahh. Haiiii, never mind, i will conquer.

and my right eye is swollen again.
i wanna see a specialist.

it has always been the same problem
the lack of compulsion, the lack of motivation
that ultimately cause me to lose my target

how many times have i fallen prey to such a flaw

a friend of mine once told me this profound judgement
"sometimes liabilities have their benefits"
it took me a while to understand the meaning despite the seemingly irony in it
it's the lack of commitment that steals away my chance to excel in things
people practise, and people work, to my own preception that things have gone overboard and that these people have chased after some lofty ideals.
yet i fail to see that in such a chase, lies a spirit of discipline, which if focused on the right subject matter, yields much desirable results.
by having such liabilities in life, it actually compels me to do well in something

and so the search for desirable liabilities commences
to which i only notice that friendship is one of the few liabilities i'm commited to

sometimes things dun bother me so much
sometimes, that should not be the way
it's not senseless worrying
but pragmatic and preceptive concern

ok which i lack
haiiii...
another change to be made.

Money issues have been preoccuping my mind these days.

I dun exactly have very rich parents.
I dun live in landed property, nor do i live in a condominium.
Though there was a time where i could have.
a time where my parents used to be quite rich.
but now, i've experienced what it means to be just well-to-do
meaning i cant expect too much from my parents
and that all the other luxuries others can have by asking from their parents
i either gonna work for it, or learn to live without it.

i guess because of that, my character has been shaped a little.
i'm still a little spoilt from all the days when i was really young
really do fancy being a prince, having whatever i want
but over the years, i have struggled a little, and i've learnt to live with less
to see a thing and say, woah i really wish i have that, but neh, i'll grow bored of it soon
it shaped a little practicality into me, the only few luxuries are really those that i spend a lot of time on, my phone, my comp, my room, things that i deem worth spending money on.
but still, there are days when i wished i had more, days where i looked and see the "unfairness" in things, how u feel u could have managed a family fortune better than that spoilt kid in ur class, or church, or camp, in fact anywhere u look, there's silver or golden spoons sticking out.
i mean.. who doesnt want to spend money buying things they like, or going out and spending money indulging in food, or drinks, just to chill and relax? and there i am, having to think and plan how much i spend, lest i overspend.

c'est la vie , thats what people say

and because of that feeling of not having enough, sometimes i really want to push myself, to prepare myself, to study hard, to learn how to work hard, just so that one day i might succeed in society, just so i can buy a little more of this, and a little more of that, to go out and chill with my friends more often, to do up my room, to donate and support causes i see fit, to hoard and keep it as education fund for my descandants. and sometimes, i feel tat i require a good prespective to maintain a healthy want for money.

and yet, this is what the bible says

Hebrews 13:5
Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have.

how to keep my life free from the love of money?
this is so hard, i dun exactly love money that much, but the thing is we are supposed to be free from the love of money. i guess it means tat we shld not let the love of money control our daily thought, our rationale, our actions and our relationships with others. perhaps there can be a healthy want for money i guess, in that it is objective because after all proverbs did mention that
we should learn to save up, and a sensible man knows the role of setting aside money.

Proverbs 27:12
A sensible man watches for problems ahead and prepares to meet them. The simpleton never looks, and suffers the consequences.

i guess then perhaps it means that we should know how to utilise our money properly, and not let waste with it, i guess that means that my want to work harder for the sake of money can only be reconciled if i have a strong iking of why i'm want to earn more and that i must be constantly reminded of retaining an objective view of money. that it is a good thing, but the excessive want and the resulting control of money over one should not be what we should strive for.

one good irony of ns
THE ALLOWANCE SUCKS
so it compels one to think about what it means to plan and save
and to maintain a healthy view on money.

mental note to oneself, thou shall not gamble unlike mr a b c d e f g t u v w x y z in my camp.
it's a plague that spreads.

gracenote is such a wonderful technology
naming my song files has just become a much easier task.

i am so tempted to rant on my blog at the moment
one thing i realised though
that there is not much point in doing so
cause frankly i dont think many people would understand or even be interested

so i'll try to keep it short and simple

the organisation i'm working in
isnt exactly the best organisation in the world
the level of work and benefits are seemingly unevenly distributed
and the level and work and benefits depend heavily on what sign is on your shoulders or at the side of ur arm.
and i want to keep work out of my personal life
but i cannot do so with certain people sms-ing me at unearthly hours or when i'm not in camp
and the irritating thing is, it is not even crucial or urgent

i see it as an invasion of private space

thank goodness, some people are going to ORD

and then there are some people that seems to take the SAF environment a little too seriously
they talk and act like they have been in the organisation for very long, and that they are vested with all the authority to screw you when they are the ones that will ORD after me.

to those people, i will not challenge their authority outright, cause it makes no sense to
instead i find that their pride and untactful moves will be their undoing
as demostrated on a monday morning
when the accuser became the accused (someone apparently scolded me for losing something only to realise, he himself lost it, and was getting screwed by others)
besides, even if they want to do something unjustifable or plain unreasonable,
there is always the higher authorities which i can turn to in hope for some form of "fairness"
(which in my mind does not exist, rather i'm more interested in letting the person understand that his actions are answerable, since higher authorities has been involved, all in an attempt to remind him of his place)

if that fails, there is the power of collective resistance.
creating a network of friends that agrees with you that that person is a biatch (which is really easy since the person should really be liek a biatch in the first place)
and passively resist any attempt which the person wants a favour from
forcing him to draw on his rank to compel people to work
which then allows for us to fuel even more empathic movements
when the group is big enough, a little taunting and a little disturbing in a group would be enough
to un-nerve most people, more so those that bully the weak and pacify the strong.

and if all else fails

the 3 golden letters

RSO (REPORT SICK OUTSIDE)

ns, oh ns.
perhaps i should just write some survival guide.